It makes me sad inside, all my friends and friendships (except the band) have turned into IM chat windows, I can never know what people feel, or what is going on in their lives. And when I can be there, all I seem to only cause pain when I can’t be there for the people I said I would be, and it hurts to be cut out of all these lives that I was once close to, and the ones I haven’t lost almost all contact with, I seem to be a memory, a chat window with a memory. I am in pain right now, and there’s no-one to care, no-one to help. I have become again alone in a crowded room, a shadow on the wall or a ghost in a computer. I care about all these things and people that I have no contact with, it’s like a part of me is dead, but instead of just falling off the nerves are still active, they pull they pain from it. We all need someone to care about us when we go through phases that fuck with use emotionally, someone to hear us bitch about the crap we go through, about the pointless emotions and bullshit that causes us pain. But there’s no-one to hear me when I speak. Rodney Dangerfield once said, “I get no respect” that’s something that hurts as well, I will always be here, or as here as I can be, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you take me for granted, just because you can doesn’t make it right. No-one respects me as a person, only the occasional idea I throw out. No-one respects what I’d like to do, or anything that concerns me. Most of you don’t even know the first thing about me, and all you’d have to do is ask. I am going to go sit outside until the sun rises now, being in the night air that makes me feel like I’m small, and that my problems are small, and reminds me of the bigger picture because that’s what will listen to me and help me. The night.