So yeah i'm sitting in starbucks taking a little break from job hunting before school starts, I'm really begining to get back to my old self again and it feels REALLY good, I mean you have no idea, I was becoming totally incapable of conversation or intellegent tought in any capacity, I think it might have been working at Century for so lone =D but I feel more like my artist, expressive, friendly, now a little vain self. I feel more like the guy who can connect with the randome people he meets, as opposed to the introverted silent person I was slipping into. It's funny, it's like my social skills need exercise or something. As I stare out this window watching the cars drive by I can't help but think about the people inside them, where they might be going, what they might be doing, or even why they own that partcular car. It's amazing what small things make good stories, because even though we all have a story about having a car, they are never the same, they all differ just slightly, but enough to be totally unique in their own light. I think the stories that we see as simple and unnoteworthy are better than they seem. Just like people who seem one way at first may be more than just what you've seen, we sometimes forget about the other sides of people that complete the picture of who they are, the different sides and lights of their personalities, we foret about what makes them human, we let them stay as half enigmas, also called stereotypes. And it's to easy to become one of these ourselves cause lets face it some of them are pretty glamourous, some of them appeal to the masses but in becoming on of these we lose a vital peice of ourselves that make us who we are, it's the difference between the easy way and the right way only this way is so subtle you have to REALLY think about it to change anything. I think it might be a type of defense mechanism because if you become something else then it's not you people can criticise or hurt, they are attacking the false image you portray, even if you become the social bitch that's still and image for people to attack because they don't know you. But that is also the drawback they don't really know you and no-one ever will if you stay in your social cast. It confines you to a set of actions or a set of things you can say, and by having these boundaries you also confine yourself to what you think and before you know it you've become the social cast you've put up for protection and then people really are attacking you and your defense becomes the person you no longer are. Damn I am long winded sometimes =D I also think another thing that is undervalued by most of our generation is the older things and people, we are alway seeking the new and interesting we forget about the old and interesting, amazing things, the things that inspired what we have and see now, things that amazing are being forgotten which is really kind of sad. Hehehe I have a tendency to over analyze my surroundings sometimes, that's all this blog was just me sitting in starbuck and analyzing what I saw around me. You should try it and write it!

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind

I realized the other day that I must be a confusing individual, especially if you read my blog, I mean I throw out all these emotions but I never seem to tell the reasons why, I never talk about me usually because I like to listen, another thing I realized is that I expect way to much from almost everyone, I half expect people to be psychic to read my thoughts because I don’t change emotion on the outside a lot, but right now I have a lot of inner turmoil because I’m trying to find out what path will be the best one to choose, which will lead to happiness even though they’ll all lead to the same place in the end I want the path that has the best scenery and I want to appreciate the good things in life and learn from the bad but sometimes I get lost in my own drama, like we all can do, and I forget these things I’m searching for and I feel lost and alone. It’s something that’s to easy to do, all the dying people and the starving countries are sometimes to far away to put our own problems into perspective. Perspective is something we should never set in our minds, we should never set it as, this is the way I see things, because there is so many more perspectives we cannot possibly comprehend we cannot possible count ours as the best. Friendships become too comfortable and we forget that there are other people in the world, and usually more good than bad, but instead of meeting new people and learning from them we confine ourselves to one set amount of people. I’m getting side tracked, another thing I do far too easily, it always seems like I have something to say about everything sometimes. I’d like to see all of you more often than I get to, I would like to re-establish the Friday get togethers, the ones where we’d all just hang out and do what ever we do. But I don’t have any money to get this started and most of you are to busy, I know I am! But I think at the least we should have one monthly. A time to hang out, watch movies, find out what’s happening in other peoples lives, and to re-connect with one another. It will also help us with the perspective thing, once you are trying to help someone with their problems you see the sides of your own that you usually miss, trust me I know. I guess the whole point of this is that I wanted to explain more of my last blog and throw out the idea of the monthly thing.

P.S. Does anyone read the poems? Do you like them? Feedback people feedback!!
P.P.S. No really what do you think I’m going to write one out in a song for my Composition class!
P.P.P.S. Ok since you actually read the P.P.P.S. remember the best time you’ve ever had.
P.P.P.P.S. Insanity creates UNITY!!!
P.P.P.P.P.S. You can’t spell insanity without Ty XD
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I could make as many of these as I wanted to.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Gwahahahahahahahahaha that’s right another P for U!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok I think I’m done.



P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. HAHAHAHAH FOOLED YOU!!!
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok goodbye, goodnight, good whatever time of day you’re reading this. I’m finally done. I’m gone. Sleep well, eat well and rediscover what is best in life.

It makes me sad inside, all my friends and friendships (except the band) have turned into IM chat windows, I can never know what people feel, or what is going on in their lives. And when I can be there, all I seem to only cause pain when I can’t be there for the people I said I would be, and it hurts to be cut out of all these lives that I was once close to, and the ones I haven’t lost almost all contact with, I seem to be a memory, a chat window with a memory. I am in pain right now, and there’s no-one to care, no-one to help. I have become again alone in a crowded room, a shadow on the wall or a ghost in a computer. I care about all these things and people that I have no contact with, it’s like a part of me is dead, but instead of just falling off the nerves are still active, they pull they pain from it. We all need someone to care about us when we go through phases that fuck with use emotionally, someone to hear us bitch about the crap we go through, about the pointless emotions and bullshit that causes us pain. But there’s no-one to hear me when I speak. Rodney Dangerfield once said, “I get no respect” that’s something that hurts as well, I will always be here, or as here as I can be, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when you take me for granted, just because you can doesn’t make it right. No-one respects me as a person, only the occasional idea I throw out. No-one respects what I’d like to do, or anything that concerns me. Most of you don’t even know the first thing about me, and all you’d have to do is ask. I am going to go sit outside until the sun rises now, being in the night air that makes me feel like I’m small, and that my problems are small, and reminds me of the bigger picture because that’s what will listen to me and help me. The night.

Has anyone noticed the mainstream message of the media, is find someone or you can't be happy, or buy this or your not happy, it's all about happyness, and i think it's what causes the emo and goth scenes, it's like people don't like what the media says so they revolt by being anything that it really doesn't show alot of, it's like people want to be SO unique they end up the same because they are all trying to be different from the same things, it's like they are angry at the ideals set before them instead of where they are coming from. Anyway new random tangent, the more different a movie is, the more successful it is, but they are all trying the same different things, instead of finding the good stories they try getting more, blood, gore, sex, slapstick, or conflict, they end up overdoing it which prevents them from taking the story to it's potential. I've been taking a break from writing and have been reading more of what people write, and these are the stories that should be written, I wish I could make a movie just named, Blog, and it would be made of the best stories that I could find, but that wouldn't be all, I'd take the random entries of insomnia and poetry, good or bad, and I'd find the bloggers to play themselves, I'd even put in the ones I don't agree with, but the main point of the movie would be perspective, it'd be about the way you can see life, just by presenting the way that the bloggers see life.

Burn all the bridges down
So you know there's no way out
Wish for something you don't need
So you never have to wait to bleed
The future changes everything
To the past you cannot cling
On these paths we walk along
In each heart a silent song
Melodies kept within
Kept so close under your skin
Find what lies behind your mask
Just to find out what will last
Hold on to what you are
But never fear what can start
What do we ever know
Always we've nothing to show
Harmony in one is found
In more to dust it is ground

my day was not a good day.... it sucked even after i found 22$ on floor, which i have been on for two weeks going on three, my gm at my work was nit-picking at my job on floor, while i was trying to catch up on theatres making me look incredibly incompetent and it got under my skin, costumers all suck and they really pissed me off too, i felt all alone today, i don't work with anyone i really know, with a couple of exceptions, but on floor i don't know anyone, and so i end up thinking about random things, like if benny was a general he would misteriously dissapear during battle, but today i thought about the people i know, my friends, and about love interestingly enough because i don't think about that alot, and it all made me sad, with people i kind of know i change just a little bit like them until i know them, i haven't seen my friends in SOOOOO long they've all changed, mentally and physically, and love, i realized that it seems i'm the girls love then think about it, then change their minds and decide they really like me as a friend, but all the meanwhile i get jerked around, unintentionally of course but jerked around none the less, i miss all my friends, i miss just being able to hang out, i miss people i can touch, like a hand-shake or a hug, you wouldn't believe how much that can mean some days. oh well it's not like any of these things will change soon, i might not even care tommorow, but i did come to a conclusion, i am going to be alone for along time, it's like i was meant to be a monk but was born at the wrong place and time. anyway tommorow i probably won't care it's one of those days people say insane things that they think they mean but they don't in the end. it's hard to hitch-hike when there's no traffic.

Today was hella crazy, to start I worked 10 and a half hours, 9:30-8:00, and I was on floor on the craziest day of the year and going full bore to stay on time, I managed to get a head ache, which I still have, chest pains, those went away, and I uppercutted myself with a broom, not as hard as it sounds, btw Amber thanks for the Monster you are the greatest it kept me going those last two hours, seriously your freakin awesome, hella awesome one might say. Anyway now I'm home and totally relaxing, I've got an eye appointment at two tommorow, prolly gonna get some new glasses, I lost the old ones. Oh and death to Benny for scheduleing me 4 out of 5 Tuesdays I was supposed to have off. Anyway on to the brighter side, I set up my digital so I might have some new photos up soon. =D I didn't stress all day even though we felll behind sometimes, it was one of those manic days you kind of enjoy.

The life and soul of a useless tool are but many things lost to vastness and immensity of our lies to ourselves and lost in the hopes and dreams we all posses for one another, we place the blame where is should not belong when we by our own choice walk each our own paths and therefore create a road by which to walk and sit, where it takes us we control but little but enough to sway from light to darkness, from happiness and sorry, a writer, a poet, an artist, an actor and a musician, what are these but the mortal flesh of the emptiness from which the power to create imposes itself upon? They are what they are nothing more, flesh, bone, blood and marrow, in that much they can die and be killed but with this power infused within them they live past this mortal coil and state to see nothing themselves but to open the eyes which they themselves once had shut. What they do is never more important than the fact that they do it, for in the denial of this inborn power find only the emptiness of the outside world in which they see others making beautiful things and thoughts of wisdom or folly but they see it all, for that is all that’s left to them, to watch.