my day was not a good day.... it sucked even after i found 22$ on floor, which i have been on for two weeks going on three, my gm at my work was nit-picking at my job on floor, while i was trying to catch up on theatres making me look incredibly incompetent and it got under my skin, costumers all suck and they really pissed me off too, i felt all alone today, i don't work with anyone i really know, with a couple of exceptions, but on floor i don't know anyone, and so i end up thinking about random things, like if benny was a general he would misteriously dissapear during battle, but today i thought about the people i know, my friends, and about love interestingly enough because i don't think about that alot, and it all made me sad, with people i kind of know i change just a little bit like them until i know them, i haven't seen my friends in SOOOOO long they've all changed, mentally and physically, and love, i realized that it seems i'm the girls love then think about it, then change their minds and decide they really like me as a friend, but all the meanwhile i get jerked around, unintentionally of course but jerked around none the less, i miss all my friends, i miss just being able to hang out, i miss people i can touch, like a hand-shake or a hug, you wouldn't believe how much that can mean some days. oh well it's not like any of these things will change soon, i might not even care tommorow, but i did come to a conclusion, i am going to be alone for along time, it's like i was meant to be a monk but was born at the wrong place and time. anyway tommorow i probably won't care it's one of those days people say insane things that they think they mean but they don't in the end. it's hard to hitch-hike when there's no traffic.

Today was hella crazy, to start I worked 10 and a half hours, 9:30-8:00, and I was on floor on the craziest day of the year and going full bore to stay on time, I managed to get a head ache, which I still have, chest pains, those went away, and I uppercutted myself with a broom, not as hard as it sounds, btw Amber thanks for the Monster you are the greatest it kept me going those last two hours, seriously your freakin awesome, hella awesome one might say. Anyway now I'm home and totally relaxing, I've got an eye appointment at two tommorow, prolly gonna get some new glasses, I lost the old ones. Oh and death to Benny for scheduleing me 4 out of 5 Tuesdays I was supposed to have off. Anyway on to the brighter side, I set up my digital so I might have some new photos up soon. =D I didn't stress all day even though we felll behind sometimes, it was one of those manic days you kind of enjoy.

The life and soul of a useless tool are but many things lost to vastness and immensity of our lies to ourselves and lost in the hopes and dreams we all posses for one another, we place the blame where is should not belong when we by our own choice walk each our own paths and therefore create a road by which to walk and sit, where it takes us we control but little but enough to sway from light to darkness, from happiness and sorry, a writer, a poet, an artist, an actor and a musician, what are these but the mortal flesh of the emptiness from which the power to create imposes itself upon? They are what they are nothing more, flesh, bone, blood and marrow, in that much they can die and be killed but with this power infused within them they live past this mortal coil and state to see nothing themselves but to open the eyes which they themselves once had shut. What they do is never more important than the fact that they do it, for in the denial of this inborn power find only the emptiness of the outside world in which they see others making beautiful things and thoughts of wisdom or folly but they see it all, for that is all that’s left to them, to watch.

3 Min before Christmas!!! That's all =D

Blogging for reasons half unknown to me, but this is going to be all the thoughts that come into my head, fled, ran, away from what, what's there to run from?, bad things, like what?, what's bad?, alone, fear, failure, sadness, what cures these? confidence, happieness, perspective, the good times, rythmes ryhms, misspelled lines, meaning of life? meaning of anything? what can anything mean? anything can mean anything else. perspective, cannot be let go, always skewing results, philosophy always changing like life itself like a growing path under your feet, street, street lights, sights, snow, rain, it makes me happy, my soul has rain in it I swear, clouds, clouded vision, need to go to the eye doctor, 3:02, damn early, no work so who cares, no school, cut down in classes, piano class this semester, new semester, new year, possibilities, so many what does it bring what do you leave behind, what proof is there that more than this moment exists, or that the last happened or the next will come? reaction, action, faction, people faction themselves from each other by attaching themselves to the parts of others they see in themselves, shelves, sells, sold, upsell, popcorn, raises, thousand dollars, Amber, laughing, good times, i say that alot, that and ah-ha-ha but i guess it's just something i do, did floor today, saw Summer, made me sad, no goodbye, used to be best friend, now nothing, fuck that, fat, not me but wait ten years who can tell, fell, trail, trail mix, easy fix, there are none in life cause every short cut you take is the long way, tray, school lunch, brunch, sunday brunch, good stuff, hungry, cheez-its, random memories click into place, a face, a dream, a seam in time, wait dream, the girl, i dreamt of being in a rain forest college and i met an indian (feather not dot) girl and something happened attacked by warriors, her tribe blames me, i try to explain bu thave to run, end up at 7-11 friend sells me out, so i get weapons, wake up, still tired, always tired, what the hell, heaven, earth, that's where we stay and fend, for now it's the end.

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind

Remember This


Hero's fall out of thought and out of mind
There's where they die no longer behind
Your woeful eyes or in your depressed mind
You forget what they said and what they stood for
To win your petty fights and your destructive war
Instead of letting things go and moving right along
You let their lessons die to word and poets song
Never to be lived again, just kept as an ideal
A memory that is forgotten so you don't have to feel
Wrong about what you may have done no matter how real
You kill more than you know and hurt because you can
You became the animal and left behind the man
You got everywhere and got into everything not sane
You look for anywhere to place this petty blame
I never quite can know why or even try to understand
Just remember who your hero's are and for what they stand

Alrighty folk you've asked for one topic that I really suck at but here goes, I have no idea what love is, I mean people say they love me but no-one has ever been in love with me. But here is love how I see it love is this enigma that every person defines for themselves then has changed with every person that they fall for, it changes like everthing in life, but at it's core it's really being happy with someone who's happy with you, it's a strong connection that is never quite broken though sometimes it severly weakened. Love is wanting to be around someone even if your angry or hurt by them. Also I think love should just leave me alone cause that's how I've lived till now, that's probably how I'll die.

I can't seem to think of anything to post today, but I need a distraction so here I am, any ideas?

Rule number 26 of life - Control is an illusion

That's so true in so many ways, we can't even control what makes us think or what inspires us, we can't control who we are, we can't control our own bodies sometimes, the only control we have is the control that we've fabricated the illusion of like government. If this is true then who is to blame? I say always blame the cause of the effect. If applied to the butterfly effect we should kill all the butterflies. But that's why you should be careful when mixing theories kids, pretty soon nothing exists but while not existing effects everything else. Thinking always makes me feel like I know absolutely nothing, maybe that's why I like, it reminds me of what I really know. Lack of focus could be called multi-tasking from another perspective. Sleep is for more than the purpose of physical needs, it's also where the inhabitions of out normal minds are taken off and our minds are truly free to roam. Randomness taking over again.

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind

So on the subject of dogs, they are the almost perfect companions sometimes, they never judges they always laugh, they always care with a simple stare, they always want to play, they're always simpathetic. They're easy to forgive, even when they step on the keyboard. They come in many shapes and sizes but all of them have good traits to them. They are called mans best friend but they can be anyones best freind if anyone accepts them. That's all they seek.

Just suddenly want to write, about nothing and something, not sure even what. I find that when these moods hit I just write what ever comes into my mind and then follow a thought stream all the way to it's conclusion instead of having it get lost to the other thought lines in my head. The only problem is when this happens and I have no subject to write about. So someone PLEASE send me a subject to write about before my mindless banter continues!

Wow I wish I could make money from doing this cause I have no money for christmas presents , just college and maybe not that. Oh well, anyway just thought I say that energy that we put into things is like an air slipstream, the more we try to do the weaker it becomes until noting gets done. I feel like that's what's happened to me lately I can't seem to write my compositional music because I can't focus on it because I want to write with my band, or do something else. Anyway here's something I wrote at work yesterday and was gonna throw it out, but Harlow liked it so here it is.

Heart Fillet

A time has passed in which we were happy
it was so true and so sappy
but now we sit cold and alone
my heart you no longer own
our paths have crossed and now lead away
from that place we used to stay
always lost and confused so much
only wanted your softer touch
tired of playing this game
so many playing with my pain
my shrunken heart needs some air
but I'm the only one who'll care
if and when it dies away
you tried to make it a fish fillet


Ahh the writings on paper towels

Oh and Spyder WRITE THE "CHERRY PIT" STORY!!

That's life they always say, but why does it always have to be my life and why do I have to keep seeing it coming? I really am not a pessimist either. But one thing I know is people, I know people too well almost all the time, I somehow know what there going to do even before they know. I dunno. Grrrrrrr. Yeah and I wonder why my heart died so long ago.

So who keeps deleting their comments??? Who is it and what do they say?

well I have made an ass out of myself today.
A HUGE ass.
wow.
Yeah I'm just gonna go, just gonna go kill myself. not really it's just a movie quote

Wow I'm going on 38 hours without sleep and I really don't feel to bad, I guess I'm starting to really adapt to not sleeping. My muscles however are objecting greatly to the excess amount of activity, a.k.a 1am DODGEBALL!!! I figured out somethng today, well re-iterated in my mind anyway, I really don't know what I'm doing when it comes to certain things, I don't know anything about the world of love, or emotion, I've always been a mind guy, I get lost in thought and that's alright with me. Looks like I'm still on random, oh well. Today I went through all these cycles of being tired, first was I can't beleive I'm here, next came just wierd, then hyper and nonsensical, after that kinda depressed, and now it's like it never happened. You can watch anyone who doesn't sleep and you'll see them in one of these stages. You know something, sybolism is almost always lost upon people, unless it directly invloves you, the sybolism is lost. But if you look for symbolism, you see it were it was unintended, odd.

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind

My sacrcasm you didn't even see
to think you were so close to me
you even broke my heart in the past
and now don't care, your heart's lot is cast
I thought I was dying cold and alone
but who would have thought or known
that you would miss this mood I'm in
fallin in darkness covered in sin
my moods so dark my eyes unlit
as I cough out all this cold black shit
you watched me dying from far away
where I had pushed you and you stay
never knew what I had let passed by
never knew what it was like to try
to try so hard to stop caring for you
because you tried heart shined so true
how long I could go on about what I don't deserve
and what I dish out and what I've been served
Just dark in my mind and world around
to this state of being I'm bound
all for the reasons I know not why
I cannot say what or ever cry
because harm will only come in the end
for I cannot see past the rivers bend
so I keep it all on the inside to contain
so no one else feels the pain
I'm moving on to a parting of ways not to be prevented
for all my feelings cannot stay tented
why am I writing this I may never know the reason
but now I move to a different season
a different time of year for so much
and I cannot have this past one's crutch
I find someone may really care for me
or is it just a fantasy?

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind
All these reasons with some ryme

Well everything was awesome till I got home, I had a great day off, I got up early and got new tires then got a christmas tree and hung lights, some family bonding time, it was good. Then I went and watched some movies and played some hella crazy dodgeball, ate at denny's and came home at about 4:00, good times, then I get home and I suddenly hit this dark mood that makes me feel all alone and dark and shit, I don't like it, its not me, it's just this hateful person that ruins everything I build and confuses my friends. I'm also pretty sure that something is very wrong with my chest, it really hurt when it got frozen, that has never happened to me before, so I am going to the doc for some chest X-rays, I can't even go to sleep after all that, what the hell. So I am probably going to be awake till I get home tommorow, great.

Dreams are the subect of the day, I sometimes wonder if they are random occurances of brain actvity or do they mean something? What could they mean? Well there are a thousand things they could mean, but it's all in the interpretation of the dream, kinda like life. Could dreams be a hidden want, or a fullfillment of a certain need? Could they be a release of tension or anger? Or is it all random? I wonder if we'll ever know.
Why is everything up for interpretation? Your entire life is up for interpretation. Is it good, is it bad, are you ok, are you rich, are you poor, everything. It's all perspective, you may be a different person in every persons eyes, if that's true then how can anyone really ever know anyone else? Maybe the correct interpretation is that connection between, and it can only be made after that, maybe that's how they die, by misinterpretation. So does this mean we have control over our lives by which perspective we have? Not entirely but a good portion of it we do. But who are we to interpret someone elses life? We can't help but do just that, but we can hold on the judgement until we know. Wow, that's the answer to the meaning of life, the meaning is left for you to interpret. Now THAT was some randomness

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind

Wow I ust kind of realized there are phases to blogging that you go through everytime, first an introductory blog, some thoughts, some randomness, then you get comfortable and start to really blog again. I'm definately on randomness.

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind

Oh for anyone interested my old blog came back online. It's at hitchhikerofthemind.modblog.com

Alright getting back into the swing of blogging, I thought it'd be easier than this, I thought I'd just sit down and write about whatever but I can't think of anything right now. So I'm just writing what comes into my head to get back to blogging so this might be random, I guarantee it'll be random, but I hope it's entertaining to read. And nothing. Wow good times. Good times, I wonder where I first heard that phrase because I use it all of the time, I have random quirks like that, I also day Ah-ha-ha for no reason sometimes. Odd. Heres to those who don't know quite what my name means, Hitch-Hiker of the Mind is my personal philosophy, because I see myself and others as hitch-hikers on the minds highway, we hitch rides on peoples thought trains or cars by listening to what they have to say and understanding their perspective, I then take the things I agree with and incorporate them with my own. It's a philosophy that builds on what I know and what's in my head and heart and then the things that I haven't thought of, and what's important to others, then builds them into one philosophy. So what are some of your philosophies? Wait yes that means you should leave a comment. I was thinking of connections today, the connections between people and between people and inanimate object or between people and any living thing. I've noticed that one thing that every person need and makes subconciosly is a connection to something, a good example is Cast Away and the beachball. We then draw something from these connections, be it confidence from a friend or comfort from a luck charm, and we also feed into these things we are connected to making the connection stronger and the energy more readily avalible. An example is a relationship between guy and gal, at first they have the connection of knowing each other, then an attraction, then friendship, then girlfriend boyfriend, then marriage, then kids. But one MAJOR drawback from these connections, since we don't make them conciously, we sometimes don't put in the effort to maintain them or strengthen them, we let them just sit and wither, or maybe we do put in the energy but it's all drawn from us and nothing is fed back. Something to think about, what are your connections? Hmm that was random. I sometimes wonder if random is actually a subconcious sequence that is a question in the back of our minds we are trying to answer and we tap into this other thought stream for a second and it then presents only that one peice of that overall thoughtline. Well that's good for now.

Hitch-Hiker of the Mind